


Beginning Again

by faino



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Father-Son Relationship, Gen, Hurt Peter Parker, Infinity War (Marvel Comics), Major Spoilers, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Poor Peter Parker, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Precious Peter Parker, Spoilers, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, dad! tony, do not read if you haven't seen IW
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-28
Updated: 2018-04-29
Packaged: 2019-04-28 20:40:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14457324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faino/pseuds/faino
Summary: MAJOR SPOILERS FOR INFINITY WAR. DO NOT READ UNLESS YOU'VE SEEN THE MOVIE.--Following the events of Infinity War, Tony and Peter try to find a new normal.





	1. Chapter 1

He had done it. Tony had found “the only way,” the plan that Dr. Strange had seen all along. The gauntlet was destroyed, and Thanos with it, but not before the team (or what was left of it) had turned back the clock. The Avengers were back, Thanos' destruction undone, though not without a few paying the ultimate cost...

And then those that remained had been left with a difficult decision. Who could know what truly happened? They had explored every option, every consequence.

The Avengers would know, they decided. Each one who had perished in the wake of Thanos’ snap would see their final moments replayed. Nick, Maria, and only the most necessary government personnel, too.

It had been complicated, but using Wanda and Mantis’ powers, they had done it. And the Avengers now left the room at the complex, speechless and stunned. Those who had faded had seen their demise, had felt their real emotions. It was like they had died and been resurrected in that very room. And the memory of the fallen—those who didn’t make it back alive—hung heavy in the air.

Tony didn’t blame them for being speechless.

But he wished he didn’t have to see the replay, too. He wished he didn’t have to feel that dread again, that hopelessness. But that was the way Wanda’s spell worked, and he’d be damned if he was going to walk out the room in tears. Not now. The team needed his leadership. The team needed to know the truth.

So Tony put on a tough face. And he heard his whimpers again. And he felt his heavy, limp body collapse into his own. And he did all he could to bury it. After all, he already replayed that scene in his dreams each night. This wasn’t new.

Then why did it hurt so much when Peter caught his gaze from across the room? Why did it feel like a ton of bricks had just hit him in the stomach?

He had seen Peter since the time travel, but he had avoided looking him in the eye. He had kept it to one word greetings. That was all he could manage then. He couldn’t answer Peter’s lighthearted naivety with playful jabs like he once did. Not anymore.

He knew it would be different now that Peter knew. They could never go back to the way things were before. Not after this. But he hadn’t guessed how exactly the kid would react to knowing the truth, to remembering what it had been like to die in Tony’s arms.

The teammates between them wandered their separate ways, and Peter stood still, facing his mentor, speechless, in the empty hallway.

Tony stepped closer nervously. Should he speak first? What could he say?

He inhaled. “Kid—Peter” His voice was serious. “…how ya holdin’ up?” It was tender, personal. So different than before.

Peter paused, tears welling up in his eyes. “I—“ he gulped. “I remember. I remember the—the fear, th-the.” He was panicking. “I died,” he sputtered out, eyes wide and a single tear now flowing down his cheek. "I _died_." He couldn’t help it as a whimper escaped his throat.

This was strangely familiar.

Tony didn’t hesitate to step forward, to wrap Peter in his arms. He held him, and Peter cried, a newfound closeness and trust that hadn’t been there just weeks before. Tony grimaced as he remembered their last embrace. But this time, it was different. This time, Peter was solid and firm. This time he wasn’t slipping through his fingers.

This time, Tony could speak. He could tell Peter he would be alright and _mean_ it. He had the confidence that he had lacked only days prior.

“Come here, Peter, it’s okay. It’s gonna be okay. It’s gonna be okay, buddy.” Peter’s tears dampened Tony’s shoulder, but he didn’t mind. He would hold him forever, just to prove to himself that his kid wasn’t fading, that Peter wouldn’t slip away from him this time.


	2. Chapter 2

Peter never imagined joining the Avengers would feel quite like this. It was serious, intense. Gone were his thrill-seeking, fanboy aspirations. Given the events of the past two weeks, it _had_ to be that way. And given all that Peter had seen, he couldn’t help but approach his new title with a somber sense of responsibility.

May hadn’t taken it too well. She knew it was coming, but she didn’t expect it so soon. Peter, with Tony’s permission, had told her what had transpired: Thanos, the snap, the time travel. He skirted over the fact that he had been among the dead, but he knew she read between the lines. He didn’t want to talk about it; hopefully she at least could realize that.

She had been incredulous at first, until Tony showed her evidence. She watched the screen on his Stark Pad with horror, seeing the streets of her city turn to chaos in seconds. And then she understood—she understood enough, at least. Enough to let him go.

Ned and MJ were easier to convince. Peter couldn’t tell them as much as May, which killed him, but their trust of him was unparalleled. They made him feel excited, a little bit more like his old self. Ned wouldn’t stop talking about how cool it would be to have a sleepover at the Avengers compound. MJ cautioned him against getting a big head. Peter just laughed. He appreciated their support. He felt almost normal, for the first time in the long time.

And just like that, days after his memory returned, he was packing up and moving into the compound. By now, Quill and his team had left, returning to space. Most of the rest of the team was moving back into the compound along with Peter; after all, they had a massive debriefing and recovery effort to undertake. It was all hands on deck for the foreseeable future. Thus it was safe to say that the Avengers were reassembled, albeit with a few missing and a few joining their ranks.

It was bittersweet, move-in day, the levity sinking beneath the weight of tremendous loss. May stood in the entry way with Peter, holding a box of his t-shirts, tears in her eyes. Peter patted her on the back.

“This way, I’m next to Vision.” Peter encouraged her, leading her toward the hallway to the left.

“Actually, change of plans.” Tony emerged from the opposite hall. “I’ve got a set-up I think you’ll like in my wing.”

Peter paused.

“If that’s okay,” Tony added, a hint of uncertainty creeping through his voice.

“Yeah—yeah, that’s, that’ll be cool, Mr. Stark,” Peter said calmly, slowly.

“Tony.” He interjected.

“Tony. That’ll be cool, Tony,” Peter corrected.

May looked up at Tony and subtly smiled, nodding at him in thanks. She didn’t know what had sparked his recent protectiveness of her nephew—no doubt it had to do with space—but she was thankful. He had pulled her aside and assured her of his responsibility for Peter, a somber urgency in his tone. May had agreed to trust him, with regular check-ins of course. It was tough, but Tony’s promise was not one that she would soon forget.

“…We’ve got all the gaming systems you can name, and a few that haven’t hit the market yet. Kitchen, living room, balcony. And FRIDAY, FRIDAY is fully equipped to handle everything—from alarm to vitals to intercom communication to my room. Which is just down the hall. Two doors and, oh, Pepper! Pepper’s number is pre-programed in your phone, but she’ll be in and out depending on our Japan deal, and—“ Tony paused suddenly. Peter’s eyes were wide and his mouth hanging open, as if permanently fixed in place.

“That’s a lot. I’m sorry, are you—how about we save the details for later. You’ll figure it out.” Tony patted him on the back. Peter only nodded, his mouth still unmoving.

The three of them spent the next two hours moving Peter into his room. May folded his shirts meticulously in the modern, massive drawers. Peter hung up pictures on the cork board above his desk. Tony installed software on Peter’s new computer set-up—an extensive office in a loft above his bathroom—merging Karen’s interface with FRIDAY’s to aid their compatibility in daily-routine systems.

As May adjusted the last of Peter’s framed pictures on the wall, Peter took it all in. So this was it. This was his new life now. May turned and sighed. Goodbye was eminent.

“It won’t be forever,” he said to her, before she could start the waterworks. “It’s just…a new normal.”

“I know, honey. I know. You have to do this. And I’m so proud of you.” She drew him in for a hug. He rested his head on her shoulder tenderly. “And Ben would be, too. And your parents.” Peter nodded.

The two separated, and began walking to the door, Tony following behind at a distance.

When they reached the main doors, May drew Peter in for a final embrace.

“Love you, May. I’ll see you soon, ok?” Peter said. He felt eager for her to leave for some reason. Her tears were like daggers in his heart.

She nodded through tears. “Goodbye Peter.” She turned to look at Tony. “Tony, take care of him.”

Tony nodded. “Always.” He paused after he said it. It felt weird to make this promise again, when he had so plainly failed the first time around.

As May turned away, they were left with a quiet understanding between them. Tony put his arm around Peter’s shoulder and led him up to the common room.

“C’mon, dinner should be nearly ready.” He said.

 

Team dinner would have been awesome to the old Peter. All the Avengers gathered around a table, bonding, off-duty…

Except it was quiet. They were all still processing, all still hurting. How could they jump back into their normal? Even the new normal would take some getting used to.

Peter asked for someone to pass the mashed potatoes, but aside from that, he, too, was uncharacteristically quiet. The conversations around the table were mere pleasantries, but at least the sentiment was a common one.

After clearing off his dishes, Peter bid farewell to his new teammates and followed Tony into the elevator. The man directed FRIDAY to his wing, and the elevator smoothly rose in silence.

Tony looked at Peter as they ascended. He had seemed like such a boy during that moment, as he begged to be spared. But now, ever since his memory had returned, he looked as if he had aged twenty years. His eyebrows were still furrowed in concern. His body was tense, as if expecting a threat.

Tony knew the feeling. The lights going out, the feeling of dying, of believing this was it…and damn, how it had scared him. The trauma had never left, but only multiplied. He couldn’t imagine—and yet he could—what Peter was going through.

The doors opened, breaking his train of thought.

“I’m, uh, I’m pretty beat, so I think I’ll head to bed. But thanks, Mr.--Tony. Thanks for everything,” Peter said, motioning at the room around him.

“Of course. Long day. And, uh, Peter. Nothing’s on the agenda tomorrow, so if you wanna head to the lab, catch up, unpack…I’m here.” Tony said sincerely.

Peter returned a soft smile and turned to leave.

 

His vision swam. His nerves tingled painfully everywhere. He was dying. He cried out. _No, please, someone save him. It hurt and burned and stung and_ …all of the sudden, he didn’t feel a thing….

“Wake up, Peter, get up.” Tony shook the shoulders of the unresponsive teen.

“It’s just a dream. It’s okay, you’re alright,” he yelled, with more urgency this time.

Peter gasped awake, eyes darting from left to right. His hands tensed when he felt the man’s pressure on his arms, and he thrashed violently.

“Hey, it’s me, it’s me. Same side, same side buddy.” Tony calmly assured him, pinning his arms down as gently as he could.

As Peter came to, he blinked, eyes focusing on Tony’s. His fighting subsided, and he was still, the only sound his gasping.

“I know,” Tony said after some silence. “You don’t have to say it.” And then, so naturally, he wrapped his arms around Peter’s body and pulled him close.

The boy sobbed into his arms, still unspeaking. Tony ran his fingers through his hair, his forehead damp with sweat.

“It’s okay. It’s going to be okay,” he repeated until the boy fell asleep again in his arms.


	3. Chapter 3

It happened every night. Tony would awaken to muffled screams and an alert from FRIDAY. Most of the time, he was already awake. Nightmares…they seemed to be going around.

He would open the door to a panicked Peter, begging in that same heart-breaking, child-like voice. _Please no, please._

Tony would hold him, and once the kid came to, he would hold back, just like he had on Titan. He would hold Tony’s arms and slow his breathing as he realized his fingertips weren’t disintegrating with every passing second. And then Tony would tell him the same thing, over and over again.  
  
“It’s okay. You’re okay.”

It was their nightly ritual.

But this night it was different. 2AM came and went with no screams down the hall. Something was off…

“FRIDAY, what’s up with Peter?” Tony asked, breaking the silence in his room.

The reliable AI wasted no time. “Peter is on the balcony. He has been awake since you last spoke.”

 _Ah, so that’s why the nightmares weren’t coming._ Tony sighed. He’d done the whole not sleeping thing enough times to know that it wouldn’t fix Peter’s problems. He swiftly swung over the side of the bed and walked blindly through the dark halls until he reached the balcony. No doubt Peter heard him, so he didn’t have to worry about sneaking up on the kid. But he knocked, nonetheless. Upon hearing no answer, he stepped onto the balcony. It was…empty.

“Hey Tony,”

He let out a start. Peter was hanging from the ceiling directly above him.

“Sorry, sorry, my bad,” Peter descended and stood before the man. “What’s up?”

His voice was cheery. Tony had noticed him putting on that front more and more often the past few days.

“What’s up? Well, aside from a spiderling on my ceiling, just, uh, checking on you.” Tony’s joking tone turned serious halfway through his response, his voice quiet and gentle.

“I’m fine,” Peter answered too quickly.

“Peter…”

“Tony.” He dismissed him with the single, biting word.

Silence hung between them.

“Don’t cut me out, buddy. Please,” Tony’s voice broke. Peter’s collected facial expression wavered. “I know it’s hard. It’s hard on me, too. But we’re only gonna make it a hell of a lot harder if we don’t talk about it.”

Peter’s mask of cheeriness was gone, but still he stood in silence, eyes locked on Tony’s.

“Ok.” It was barely a whisper.

Fifteen minutes later, they sat in Tony’s lab. Peter was refilling web cartridges, and Tony was absent-mindedly fiddling with his armor.

“So, the dreams. Wanna start there?” Tony felt slightly uncomfortable facilitating deep life chats, but luckily the egotistic, fumbling mentor was just a distant memory since The Snap. Peter needed this. So he continued. “Can you tell me about them?”

Peter looked up from his work, and his eyes seemed as if they were focused a million miles away. Tony gave him a second.

“They’re always the same. Space. Thanos. And then the feeling of—of everything turning to dust.” Peter’s gaze was still far away.

“What feeling is that, Pete?” Tony took a step closer, cautiously.

Peter took a few seconds before he began again. “It tingled at first, and then it stung. And I—I thought maybe it wasn’t real. But then, I, I looked at you and realized it _was_ real, and that I was next and that it was—that I was…that I couldn’t do anything. That _you_ couldn’t do anything.” Peter met his eyes, a tear now escaping as he blinked. “And I thought about May and Ned and MJ and school and Spider-Man, and how there was still so much—so much I wanted—and how, I should’ve, I should’ve. I should’ve been _better._ Because heroes…” he stopped to calm his breathing. “Heroes aren’t supposed to _lose.”_

“Every night. Every night I relive that,” he finished.

Tony wanted to bring him into a hug and let him sleep, like he had grown accustomed to doing. But they were making progress. It hurt like hell, but they needed to unpack this together. He had so much he wanted to say, but he wanted Peter to get it all out first.

“Do you remember anything after, after you faded?” he asked cautiously.

“No, I don’t. I—I was thinking about that. Maybe it’s just because Mantis and Wanda only replanted memories up until we faded. So maybe I did see something, feel something, in the end. Maybe it was peaceful, with Ben and my parents or something.” Peter smiled softly, looking distant again. The silence brought him back. “But I dunno, maybe I didn’t. I just remember the tingling, the stinging, and you. And then nothing.”

Tony nodded. Hell, a kid should never be tortured with remembering their dying breaths every night. He cursed himself for letting Peter remember. He was too damn young. He shouldn’t have known the truth. Tony should’ve shielded him. There was _so much_ Tony should’ve done.

Peter must’ve read the anger on Tony’s face. And, like the too-damn-polite kid he was, he spoke up.

“Tony, it’s not your fault. You know that right?”

Tony snapped out of his self-blame and looked Peter in the eyes.

“Peter, it’s bigger than you understand. It’s my fault on so many levels.”

“No, I understand perfectly well. You did everything you could, you packed every punch with as much as you had. And yeah The Snap happened, and yeah that sucks. But we’re here. You fixed it. Remember what Strange said, Tony, it _had_ to be that way. You had to lose before you could win.”

Damn, the kid made so much sense.

“Peter.” Tony loved the kid to death. “I know. I know all is well, more or less, and we came out on top. But it doesn’t feel like we came out on top. Just look at everyone, walking around like a bunch of zombies over here. We—we all lost something. And losing you—Peter. Peter, losing you was…” Tony’s voice broke. So much for being strong for the kid.

“Losing you was on me. Losing you was inexcusable. I—I failed you.”

Peter just shook his head no as the man crumbled a bit more.

“I’d been on edge since New York. I’d been waiting for that guy for years, nightmares and anxiety filling every waking second. He was the big one. He was what it was all leading up to. And we got him in the end…but he got us first. Everything I was afraid of came true. And I, I can’t unsee that. I can’t unsee you…I can’t unsee you dying. We’re stuck in the same loop, kid. We’re seeing the same nightmare each and every night. So, yeah, sure we won. But it sure as hell doesn’t feel like it.”

Peter just shook his head more, in understanding now, and in sympathy.

“And what you said, about heroes never losing,” Tony continued. “It’s not true. You did nothing wrong, Peter. I was never disappointed. You were stronger than I was. And I wish I could take that pain from you every day. I wish it had been me fading. Every day. You have nothing to be sorry for, kid. I’m sorry. I’m—“ Tony had finally gotten out the words he had been wanting to say since that moment, on Titan. The moment when words had escaped him.

“I’m sorry.” Tony’s face contorted in pain and he shut his eyes.

He opened them when he felt pressure on his torso. Peter stood, embracing him.

“It’s okay. You’re okay.” Peter repeated the words this time.

Tony wrapped his arms tight around the kid in an all-too-familiar embrace.

“We’re going to be okay,” the teen continued, his voice uncertain, but trying hard to be strong.

“We’re going to be okay,” Tony answered, responding to any hint of a question in Peter’s voice with his firm affirmation. “We’re going to be okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo, what do you guys think? Thanks so much for all the responses--it's given me motivation to keep going.
> 
> What do y'all wanna see to ease the heartache post-IW? I'll try my best to make it happen!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! This is gonna be a multi-chapter story exploring how Peter and Tony's relationship changes after what they went through in IW. I'm taking liberties with the end of IW and just assuming Tony even lives through the end of that storyline because I think "The Scene" was a remarkable encounter between these two, and it really left me wondering how that would impact their relationship. 
> 
> I decided to make it so that Peter remembered what happened because I thought that would make it more meaningful on both ends. Let me know if you have any ideas for things you want them to discuss/work through!


End file.
